On leaving, losing, and finding your footing again in a new place
On paper, a move looks like a list of logistics: boxes, flights, a new address, a new school, a new grocery store. What rarely makes the list is everything you can’t pack. Moving to a different city, or even a different country, can feel like your life has been paused, especially when you’ve moved for your partner’s work. Whether the move was your choice or not, chances are, something that mattered to you was left behind.
“What rarely makes the list is everything you can’t pack.”
The Losses Nobody Talks About
Maybe you left a career you worked hard to build. Maybe you left your closest friends, your family, the neighborhood where everyone knew your name. And maybe, you also left behind a version of yourself: the person with a title, a routine, a favorite coffee shop, a Tuesday evening class, a sense of “This is who I am, and this is where I belong.”
However small they might seem, these are real losses, and they deserve to be named. Grief isn’t reserved for the big, obvious moments. It shows up in the small, unexpected ones too: reaching for your phone to call someone who is now six time zones away, standing in a supermarket aisle unable to find anything familiar, or realizing no one here knows your story.
Feeling disoriented, isolated, or unsure of your place in this new phase of life is a completely normal response to a major life transition.
Grief and Excitement Can Live Side by Side
One of the hardest parts is that you can feel several things at once. You can be curious about your new city and still miss home so much it aches. You can be grateful for the opportunity and resentful of what it cost. You can love your partner and still wonder where you fit in this new adventure.
If you’re a parent, there’s often another layer: the weight of feeling responsible for your children’s happiness and well-being, while you’re still finding your own feet. You may find yourself holding everyone else together, with little space left to acknowledge how you are doing.
None of these feelings cancel each other out. They’re all allowed to be true.
Rebuilding Takes Time, and It Isn’t a Straight Line
Rebuilding your life after a move takes time and conscious effort. It’s a winding road, with good weeks and hard weeks, and sometimes both good and bad in the same day. It involves saying goodbye to who you were before the move and to the things you loved about your old life. But it also comes with a chance: to reinvent yourself, and to discover what your new location has to offer that your old one never could … when you are ready for it.
I’ve relocated many times myself, and I know all too well how exciting and overwhelming it can be at the same time.
Where the Work Begins
In our coaching conversations, we hold space for the losses you are trying to articulate. We focus on reconnecting with who you are now, and who you would like to be in this new chapter. Depending on your needs, we explore a few key areas:
Processing the transition. Relocation often comes with grief: for friends and family, for purpose, and sometimes for independence. Acknowledging that loss is an important step forward.
Rediscovering your identity. Who are you beyond your role as a partner or a parent? We create awareness of what matters to you at this stage of life.
Creating a sense of belonging. There are many ways to feel at home, and many ways to build meaningful connections and make new friends in your local community. Together, we explore which ones fit you.
Finding direction and purpose. We clarify what fulfillment looks like for you, whether that means returning to work, starting something new, or simply enjoying the opportunities in front of you.
Building confidence in your new life. From navigating daily life in an unfamiliar environment to understanding your new cultural surroundings, we work on strengthening your sense of agency and confidence.
“What did you leave behind that you haven’t yet allowed yourself to miss?”
“Who were you before the move, and which parts of yourself do you want to take with you into this new chapter?”
From Uprooted to Grounded
The feeling of displacement doesn’t have to define you. With time, support, and a little intention, a new place can become a new home, created on your own terms.
I help women in midlife work through complex transitions, so they can choose with intention and move forward with confidence.
Trained as a psychologist in the Netherlands, certified as a Life & Wellness Coach in Canada, and seasoned with lots of international relocations.
If this blog resonates, I’d love to hear from you!
Maaike ten Berge, PhD
Life & Wellness Coach at New Dawn Psychological Coaching